Tuesday, March 4, 2008

What do I do about him?

The answer is nothing.
He has used up all of his energy trying to control all of his children. We allowed it because she got into our heads with cries of "for the sake of his health." I always had the perfect solution; which was to never get caught doing something else, other than what I was supposed to be doing; and avoid him as best as I can.
I never asked of anything from them; I never really was one to ask- I was very self-reliant. I worked hard my whole life, so I never would have to ask for anything. I was 15 years old when I thought of the smartest ways to get out of the house and my friend (and teacher) suggested college was the best way. I never considered much of college because of our family income until my teacher talked to me about scholarships.
Boy! did I get to work! I filled out anything my ears and eyes came across and because of that, my way through University was payed for. But most importantly I escaped almost 4 years of verbal abuse. I say almost because he found methods to bully us through the phone.
He was very unfair. I remember that I was too young to open a bank account and so my account was under their name. They formed a habit of spending my scholarship money, and never once asked my permission. Well, they were older and what do I need money for?- trust me, this was the thought.
I wasn't the only one that was subject to this kind of treatment. I thought it would never happen again, but then it did. After the traditional wedding, all the money was gone. where did it go to? I don't know, but they took it. And till today still argue with their conscience about it; they believe they did the right thing. She even surprised me. She even asked me the night of the traditional wedding what I was going to do with my money. Because she didn't like my answer she told little man it will be shared and then told me later that he said it will not be shared. But now she claims she never thought it was mine and that it was made clear to me. It is difficult for me to trust again when I was lied to. Trust me, this will be the last time.
I know he never supported any of our decisions as long as we came up with it on our own. Or else it was similar to what he would have suggested. For example, he was expecting that I was going to graduate from medical school and he was going to ...u know i am not sure. booo u know so that he could pick a man he can control, so that he can continue to run my life. Tell me why I didn't think of that. :)
But I and my God had other plans. I tried to follow him with diplomacy, and drove there with my speech and every information about little. But s0=ome how he twisted the story and made it out to sound like I was dropping out of medical school .... However, the last time I checked I made the decision on my own to further my studies.
I wondered how making sure little's family was a good fit meant all of these trouble. But you could never confide in them for anything, they were too loud. For everyone heard about it, all sorts of suspicions were made about him, including that he might be from the "Osu" caste. Some of their odd friends spoke of 90% of Jude's people been Osu and so I was encouraged to forget him. That there was no need. hahaha I refused, I wasn't a child and neither was I stupid, they are to prove it to me otherwise I will stay where I am.
A year after I drove there, little made many attempts to meet with them but to no avail. His excuses were many; he needed to consult his brothers :); he couldn't welcome him, since it would mean accepting any pre-marital encounters with his daughter. There was an excuse for each time he called, until his parents came to the US. To our surprise, he welcomed LP.
The next thing we knew, we were making plans to travel home. We were filled with joy, that we were somewhat on time with our plans. We made all the arrangements, including purchasing our tickets and my parent's tickets. And during all this, he indirectly tried to control things; but for some reason was afraid to tell little directly, they always tried to go through me. That which, I never understood.
We went home to Nigeria and I never saw people act so unappreciative, I thought to myself if I were to do this again, I wouldn't. Nothing that he did was appreciated. "Everyone" (i.e. both sides) acted very selfish and disgraceful. I can't even begin to mention, but that was when I realized that I needed to focus more on my happiness.
The last statement was very helpful of late because it gave me the strength to ignore all of his recent threats and verbal abuse. He is learning too, they blame him for my every action, in order that they can manipulate him. He is getting stronger too. It is odd to think of it in terms of a battle but what other way can you deal with one who wakes and sleeps arguing.
So what do I do about him? Nothing

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