Sunday, November 15, 2009

It's been a while

Often times it is mixed feelings and confusion that often gets me writing. It helps me put things into perspective, either writing or drawing. I've been busy! you don't realize you are stressed until something crazy happens and your reaction is not really you. For you it might be buying a dog, feeling betrayed' failing an exam for the first time, or thinking you picked the wrong profession.

My husband and I are separated because of our jobs, we see each other for a few days, once a month if our jobs permit. sometimes I try to pretend like it isn't real but most of the time reality sinks in and I want to give my career all up and walk away. It almost seems like you are married but your daily decisions are made without each other, and one person's small decision does not affect the other. Your plans are set on hold; example starting a family or to say the least savings... This separation has been very difficult but my goal is to hurry up and change my situation without having to require an anti-depressant.

So I bought a dog, her name is Omasirich (aka. Masi), she is a great companion and she is very smart. I have never had a pet before so we are both learning somehow. She is a lot of work but she keeps me out of trouble. Sometimes, I wish I could talk to her and hear her opinion on things. You know- there are times you might have something to say but you need to find the right person to say it to. Sometimes, you might think you trust someone and then they let you down by telling the whole world. In another light, sometimes you might think that someone trusts you but then something happens, and you find out that you are their number 1 suspect.

I like to see the best in things or in people but often times people mistake me for being gullible. I also I'm doing my best to make the best in my marriage, it may mean that I had to give up my fellowship plans. Some will ask "would you have done this if you weren't married?" It may also mean doing things that I wouldn't have previously done. One thing is for sure, I have yet to regret any of my decisions so far. Although I fear that it might change, and though I wish that fear wasn't there but it is.

You know marriage is both people giving 150:150, but most of the time it doesn't happen simultaneously and that is expected. Example, you both plan to get pregnant every 1-2 yrs for the next 3-4 yrs, she opts to stay at home and to start her career when the kids are ready for school. Things work out great, he is very supportive, caring and loving. Well things continue to work great and even your last one is now 16. Men in 2 more years, he will be out of the house, and in a year you will be recognized and promoted at your job (Mind you this is the ultimate of the ultimate of all promotions- get the point? :)). In the midst of all of these excitement, you miss your period and felt it was due to all these excitement but no, you are truly, and really pregnant oops. You cannot even decide whether to be happy or sad, you guys thought you had it all planned out but God, the creator and the giver of life, has the better plan.

This time you think either daycare or your husband ought to stay home but he says no to both. There is no other option but for you to stay home or create problems by signing the child up for daycare. At that time, would you think that it is an equal 150:150? probably not but it took another occurrence in the future for you to realize that the other is selfish. Some may use that at a breaking point to start to have second thoughts about the marriage, they remind him and tell family members that I stayed home for four kids all I ask is for him to stay home ........

This does not describe my marriage in anyway but hey we are not yet even 2 years old :)
A note to leave you with, God is very vital in a marriage, when we start letting go of God, our marriage shatters. Also when you start taking other people's opinion (s) of more value than your spouse you will have problems and eventually Shatter as well.

Take home message Hebrews 10: 11-14; 18 God bless you all.

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