Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage- Ambrose Bierce

Emotions...a roller coaster ride of of ups and downs.
One moment, basking in love...
The next moment feeling panic and terror.
Needing, yet fearing my needs...
Wanting so bad yet afraid to take...
Doubts creep inside my mind.
Is this real? Am I sane?
So much power flows in these feelings...
I shake in fear.
Torrents of love followed by
A crash of self-doubt... I cry.
Am I sane? Is this real?
Desire... Love...so strong, uncontrollable..
Leads me back each time...
Then the ride starts all over again...
A roller coaster ride...of ups and downs..
Into the funnel...I am falling...down and down

You cannot earn someone's trust based on lies.  You may deceive one another but it is only for a short while.  So is it not easier to be truthful from the very beginning? Sometimes we even convince ourselves that being dishonest is the right thing to do, just to simply free ourselves of the guilt.  Remember the saying that love is blind- it is so true but one must be cautios of this. 
I have met many that continue to make the same blunder but refuses to see it because they have somehow convinced themselves that something is different this time.  One friend felt that if she showed her partner a good time, that they will end up forever, only to find out that it was partly true.  The memories of them are there forever but are they present in her life now? naw  She was continuously used and dumped until finally she was pregnant.  Amazing how pregnancy can make a running man stop and look back. 
I know of another one that was intimate with anyone who said her name with a sweet swagger but in the end she married the first man in her life.  She actually never stopped loving him, he left her; did what he had to do I guess; grew up; eventually got married; it failed (I am unsure if either one worked at salvaging it); got divorced and then finally seeked the only one who had been longing for his heart all along.  Hey they are great couples, they both made mistakes and were able to put it all behind them and will be together forever.  Amen!! I love matrimony.
 And then another, who stayed true to one man until he proved us right and her wrong, but she had a hard time letting go still until another Mr. Right took his place.  I pray that the grace of God see them through.  Then I know of one who will find everyone else to blame for her relationship failures but forgets to study the errs she has made in the past. 
Usually when I give advice I am often told that I am lucky- I think Frank Sinatra tells it well when he said "People often remark that I'm pretty lucky. Luck is only important in so far as getting the chance to sell yourself at the right moment. After that, you've got to have talent and know how to use it." I was lucky that I agreed to go out with my friends one night and lucky that I caught Jude's eyes, I was also lucky that it was in the right time for Jude (since he was not involved with anyone) and for me (since I had just graduated and had a little more time to spare)  those were all things that happened by chance.  But all of the work we put into growing the strength of our friendship, strengthening our faith in Christ together and eventually winning each other's hearts was definitely no luck. 
My friend who ended up marrying the father of her children, we did not foresee anything going wrong at the time but unfortunately they are having problems now.  I pray everyday for them to build a friendship and bond and solidify their marriage.  I believe their problems are partly because their only building block was the circumstances at the time, i.e. she was pregnant.  There is nothing wrong with the two of them being married but they needed to develop other reasons to be married- friendship, trust, honesty, love, intimacy ... 
Marriage is tough and there are ups and downs, [ For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.- Bill Cosby] the ups are easy, during the downs you must recall why you are there in the first place and for this friend and her hubby, they are confused.  Now the babies are born; ok... we can't marry your children can we? and they have to work on achieving this trust and friendship because marriage is forever.  Oh! he/she has attitude, well teach him/her to have less attitude- aren't we all learning.  It is not a lack of love that ruins a marriage, most of the time it is a lack of friendship.
My friend who finds everyone to blame for her relationships, do not keep adding to the count of the men in your past; marriage is not like a card game; I will lie to you all to see who wins the race for marriage proposals- you are only cheating yourself.  How do you say you trust God but yet you rush into things and are deceitful about it, have you forgotten whose favor you need for all of these things to happen.  You must completely embrace God not only for yourself, but also so that you can find it in your heart to be truly happy for others. 
Yes- many women have to keep their options open, and I did too, it is because we don't stay young forever, and too many men have not kept their promises.  But that is the more reason that you must be careful about labeling yourself as any man's girl until you are ready to make that commitment.  You do not have to label yourself or sleep with them to keep them.  The men that want you and recognize how valuable you are will do everything they can to get you.  You all ladies are beautiful, talented, smart, with very promising futures, don't let your self esteem go with peer pressures from our culture.  Do not let it define your actions.
  When you do those things, you are simply saying to yourself and everyone else- I am worthless except for the things that I think a man wants.  Eventually, they will disrespect you and it will annoy you but it was you who encouraged it in the first place.  Now that you have given them everything, you are heart broken not because you were stupid or that you did not gain anything in the relationship.  I know it is what all women say but be true to yourself - you did gain temporary companionship, attention ..., is just that what you expected in exchange for everything you gave was marriage and so anything else you got from that man you have counted as worthless. 
[If divorce has increased by one thousand percent, don't blame the women's movement. Blame the obsolete sex roles on which our marriages were based.] And stop forgetting that he can always get it from somewhere and you will never know or else he has lipstick on his cheek.  So I know one who did all these and are happily married.  It does work once in a while but very rarely.  Some men even trust you less because they got to you quicker than they expected.  
To all of these beautiful young women that I love, remember that my one prayer is for all of you to be satisfied as I am now.  I pray for that all the time and for me to come chop rice belle full and dance my heart out.  I love you all!


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