Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Typical of Nigerian Women

Why are there certain characteristics that we all accept that are typical of Nigeria women. Someone shared with me something that someone said about me and in the end said to me, don't mind them, they are jealous, which is typical of Nigerian women. I went and examined myself and even asked myself if I was different from most Nigerian women.
A friend shared with me this interesting episode of her life...no names mentioned here.  The rumor is that a woman she had known for a long time thinks she wants to steal her husband from her. Her first reaction is that she was flattered since this same woman, when they were younger thought she was the most beautiful and felt that my friend never took enough time on her part to even look as beautiful as she. It was true to some extent, since this chic always wore makeup and always did her hair, always went shopping and always dressed up and my friend payed more attention to her studies. She often gave my friend lectures about her looks and even took the liberty at times to fix my friend up before they went anywhere. Ironically, this chic got all the guys/jerks, since they never married her, even one of the ones she truly hoped for ended up with a white girl.  But my friend, yeah that ugly one, yup!  ended up with her first boyfriend, who is still her best friend and hubby today.

Rewind- the friendship was one way- She called my friend to carry her bags to the airport oh u know that kinda friend that only calls when she needs you "you are sooo much stronger than me," she would often say to me friend.  My friend was the one she called when she got in trouble and needed an alibi; she was also the one this chic called when the guys she involved herself with did something to hurt her; my friend was also the one she called when she needed support when she failed her boards; she was also the one she called when the men she put her whole heart in, treated her like a jerk; get da gist....I once had a friend like this.
My friend got busy with school and spent her little free time with the fiance at the time while this chis flaunted her freedom- let's just say it was not the only thing she flaunted. She ended up becoming the talk of the town although not in a good way.  My friend tried telling her in the beginning but she often over-reacted and so she gave up.  She ended up avoiding the chic altogether, partly because she was worried that people may think she was like this girl.  Some of her so called friends, were the ones who spoke poorly about her.
My friend have always known her to be a very selfish person and never understood why she was that way. She was also a very jealous person. My friend realized soon enough that she had nothing to gain from the  friendship and was glad that she was no longer a part of her daily life. The chic got pregnant and we heard it was not the first (my friend was how ever glad for her though because she proved one rumor to be a lie and that was that she had lost both her tubes) and the proposed father legally married her. They were supposedly living happily ever after....well maybe not quite
Well, one day my friend got a note from her husband saying they are getting a divorce and he thought as her friend she should know and support her as much as she could. He was not her friend on facebook but he must have looked her up.  My friend wanted to ignore it, if it wasn't for her husband who cares for everyone. She discussed this with her hubby and he thought she should call the annoying chic, which she did and not surprisingly she denied that anything was wrong (she is well known for telling lies), she denied they were getting a divorce but in the end said she would gather her family and inform them since it has gotten to that point (???) Hmmm my friend thought didn't you say things were alright. Well, my friend gave her the benefit of the doubt and warned the man that was claiming he was her husband. He wrote back saying she was a liar and gave me his number to call to verify who he was. My friend discussed this again with her husband and called and spoke with the young man who explained that they are having problems and he is filling for divorce. Called his wife a liar and claimed that she was in denial.
After this conversation, my friend was very confused and called her aunty, who raised her, to ask her help and advice, she was saddened by this news and promised to wait to hear from her niece. She brought it up, with the disappointment that her niece failed to share this with her. Well, so she claims but somehow it seeded that she felt that my friend was trying to steal her husband from her. My friend didn't give much thought to it like I mentioned earlier she found it flattering. My friend spoke to her once, during this stupidity and she pretended like all was well, at the time, how coward like.

The next time my friend heard of this whole saga was via email from her husband. He tells me her he heard it from a friend, who claims that the chic called crying to him, that my friend wants to end her marriage, and is trying to steal her husband. This time my friend wondered what she was hiding, she knew this chic was trying to divert peoples' inquiries- 'what did you do that your husband is threatening to leave?" This was very typical character for her and didn't surprise her. But my friend decided to call her, you know to tell her that she heard all about it and that it is kinda funny and foolish, it is her way lol. And for some reason the chic started shouting, once she learned why my friend was calling, she denied it all saying she never said  this or that, and she swears with her daughter's life ... and maybe my friend’s husband’s friend wants to ruin her marriage ... bad things happen to her ... she has moved and they are still gossiping.
See the chic could have just said the truth, but for some reason it has always been easiest for her to lie, so she did. My friend knew her so well that she was sure that about 80% of what she said was a lie. My friend had a good conversation with her; well controlled; with exchange of  advice and when they hung up, at that point she realized that she hasn't changed. According to my friend, her husband said she was not who he thought he married. My friend thinks that she was the exact same person he married, he just didn't find out until now. According to the chic, her baby cousin, and her friends, were also influential on spreading this flattering rumor. They also mentioned that my friend’s marriage was falling apart. My friend was glad that her husband knew about the emails before he heard the news so we both found it funny and hilarious.

Despite all of these, my friend wishes the both of them well, marriage is not easy and I hope they both work at it before throwing it all away especially for the sake of the children. I know for a fact that me and my hubby, who is also my brother, my best friend, my daddy, my uncle ... may fight but we always find it in our hearts to reconcile. Despite all of my many blessings, he is still the best thing that happened to me. I am satisfied with my life and fortunately have no regrets. I know that divorce is very common but I, as of now, do not see it in my marriage and I do not plan on being with someone else. Those vows I made in front of God in the alter, and in front of family and friends meant everything to my husband and I, and we will hold true until death do us part. We enjoyed doing it so much, that we did it twice in Nigeria and here in the U.S.

I don't think that rumors has anything to do with Nigerian women, I think it has everything to do with idleness; all of these people mentioned above have too much time on their hands. I pray that the chic changes her ways, and I know that God will continue to give her so many chances to forgive herself and embrace his love.

God Bless!

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