Saturday, December 26, 2009

We smell trouble

We smell trouble but we have yet to pin point the true source.  I am not worried because somehow we always do.  It is hard to explain but I will help you understand with as many examples.  It is like one holding your hands to walk into a burning bush and you willingly went, completely trusting and not knowing that it will burn.  It is kinda like married couples, who allowed their hearts to be taken by the stranger, while hoping that he or she will eventually become their life partner.  It is like one who picked the wrong friend to accompany him to the jungle and he turned into a lion and devoured him.  We smell trouble and it is only lickering in the bushes now, but will soon be out in the open.  I thought this feeling was because of our sister and her crazy husband but we still can smell it and can almost taste it.
Just imagine, he wants a divorce and she refused to sign it because of her faith and the judge granted them a few months of sorting out their issues.  But he still insists, after all the good years of marriage but why? There are many explanations but it is mainly because they had no biological children and he has little faith.  After everything they had been through, you will think that the voices of his siblings and parents carried lesser weight than his wife's but oh no!
"I cannot understand why people still split of for this reason in this day an age, that adoption is easily done."- quote by my husband.  It is true this world were many children are needing a home and people to love them.  This sister and her husband was blessed with a child but he closed his door to her angrily and got upset that his wife willingly accepted.  And asked her to reject the child, but she couldn't since this child that she so desired had long won her heart.  This child was the answers to her prayers and she could not understand why he could not allow himself to love her.  This was his excuse for leaving her, but we all saw it coming a long time ago, his family was only looking for some excuse that will not make him look like the bad guy.  What is annoying to me are the things he will tell people- hey if you cannot tell the truth about something you have done, you need to work on forgiven yourself.  I know of one who was once married, and is divorced today partly because of his infidelities but when he explains their separation to most people, he simply leaves that part out and at times the one he is telling gets the impression that the separation was the fault of the woman.  This is part of some of the cultural stereotypes that our people have, so he has taken advantage of this when he tells people about the woman.  Imagine calling her Akata, hey was she Akata when you were happily married?  That word is a stereotype and an insult to describe them but many of them are very good people.  The sad thing is people continue to use it and expand this name calling.  For those who can relate to this- You know in your conscience the reasons for your marriage and your separation, and it is even understandable that you are not comfortable discussing it, but if you cannot accept and admit your mistakes then you still have some ways to go amending your misdeeds with your 'Chi.'  In fact, if you don't accomplish this you will end up punishing yourself and another woman with your guilt.
Anyways, if my Sis's husband only knew where that child came from; if only he respected the one who brought that child into the world- Chinenyenwa.  We are afraid for him, but we have forgiven him, we are hopeful that his life be filled with good tidings.  He plans to start of the new year without our sis; it was the gift he thought to give her on the very celebration of the birth of Christ.  Sis-You have all of our support and prayers, you cannot tie him down.  We understand that you love him unconditionally but this is prove that he didn't love you that way.  He went with the flow, and it is very easy for him to leave for his own selfish reasons.  He will no longer trap you, and will no longer stop you from celebrating how beautiful and blessed you are as a child of Christ.
We smell trouble and despite the many hints, we have yet to pin point it.  But we will enjoy the moment and as my late grandmother will say in our language, enjoy the moment but remember your homeland and continue to have eyes at the sides of your head and also at the back of your head.  My grandmother lived for over a 100 yrs, and she left me so much, I still have her ogiri in my freezer, she still fills my heart with her great words and advice.  I remember her talks with Jude and I, oh how Jude loves her and it was from the very moment he heard her speak, it is awesome to hear him say Mama Nawgu (the name we call her).  I still am very proud every time I watch my traditional video, and see her walk to our canopy to give us her final blessings (I requested that she gave us her blessing, afterall, she was partly the reason we came home).
My whole life she meant something to me; all the times she would call me to help her with something; I loved to take care of her; she scares me when she doesn't finish her plantain (her favorite food), or when she is upset because her umbrella is missing, but she doesn't want a new one, because her old one has been very faithful to her for years, as her walking stick, a rainshield or sunshield, for shooing flies and animals and even children :) she is very simple.  I remember in primary school, when our cab was leaving for Lagos and she came to me advising me not to get into anymore physical fights with boys (it was the christmas I got into a fight with Ebenezer's son, since he was making fun of Lagos people being so weak).  When the car was leaving she came to make ammends with me (after my punishments), handing me a one or five naira bill, she said in igbo 'you will do greater things than fighting with people.  Many will make fun of you but you have to focus on one goal and that is your education. Take this money to buy your books and make me proud.'  I remembered thinking, this will never buy a book but I apologized again for beating up her helper.  I could always look beyond her wrinkles and see how beautiful she was as a youth.  She touched me and from that day, all the times in my life that I wanted to give up, it was those words that kept me going.  I didn't mind dissapponting everyone else except Mama and she was very happy when I told her that I had accomplished my goals of becoming a doctor.... Chinenyenwamo! is what she calls me and she unfailingly imprints a smile everytime she says my name.  She was amazing and it was funny to hear her talk about everyone, she remembers so much, I am proud to be her granddaughter.  Aww men! I always get emotional whenever I talk about her.

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