Saturday, April 30, 2011

Call Me Whatever You Want

This is an email I received from one of the Igbo communities- I suppose the point of the message is to raise awareness or something- I'm not sure.

"Brethrens, It is a thing of abominations and a shameful act that the  biological mother of one of us, Mrs. ? ? ? and her sister Mrs. ? ? ? both are married to same brothers ? and ? ?, were having a sexual affair right in the matrimonial home of her daughter ? . A mother who left her frail husband in Nigeria only to come here to be sleeping with her son in-laws. It has always been said, the first time you were caught is not the beginning of your ordeal.”

Ok so basically I think he was trying to convey that some lady had 2 daughters, and her 2 daughters are married to 2 brothers (now I am not sure if he is also calling that an abomination); but what I am sure he is calling an abomination is that this mother (of the two daughter's) left her "frail" husband in Nigeria and came here to the U.S. and is now sleeping with her two daughter's husbands.  Is that what you guys kinda understood?

Ok I did not post the rest of the email but he went on to criticize how this woman brings shame basically to our community at large.  And he even made a comment that the apple does not fall far from the tree, I am not sure if he is implying that the young women may also be like their mothers.  One of the young women also belongs to this Igbo meeting and I have removed their names intentionally for these family's privacy.

Problem #1: who gave the writer (one of the executive members of the meeting) the power to put their business out there including their middle names and everything.  I suppose he is so perfect that there is nothing that he has done to bring anyone shame.  Goes back to the bible, if you have no sin cast the first stone; this idea obviously does not rest in our community.

Problem #2: He should have read the email before sending it to a large group of people, because I am still trying to understand his complete message.

Problem #3: If he is also trying to tell us that it is an abomination for the two sisters to marry two brothers; it is true in some igbo customs ( mostly because our people don't like the idea of placing all of their eggs in one basket) but I know one family member that this was broken and they talked about it all through my childhood but no one gives a hoot any longer.  They talked about it mostly because they felt that God was punishing them because for 17 years my cousin and his wife had no children.  Basically my first cousin (a male) insisted on marrying his sister's husband's sister (his sister-in-law)- do u get it??? I also know another, not in my family who was exactly similar to the quote mentioned above and no one talks about it any longer.  But I remembered in both situations it was often talked about like one woman was at fault, it was never the fault of the men who asked their hand in marriage- my cousin's wife was supposed to know that her brother was now married to her now husband's sister and not agree to marriage.  And in the other case the woman was supposed to know that her sister was already married to her now husband's brother and move on to the next guy.  I'm I confusing you yet? lol

Problem #4: Seriously, I may be missing something here; I have only been intimate with one man and I am married to him today but I remembered that it took the two of us for intimacy to first occur and it takes the two of us each time it occurs.  It actually took multiple attempts from him until he got the hint that the commitment with God must be a vital part of our lives.  
Now my point is not that I don't think women can seduce men or that rape does not exist but my point is that regardless of who seduces who, it takes two people to have sexual intercourse or else it is rape (which this does not sound like it).  Since it sounds to me like someone caught them???  Now why are we not criticizing the men involved, did they not leave their wives to sleep with their mother-in-law? (or is that not also an abomination?) or let me rephrase this, did the men not leave their children's mothers to sleep with their children's grandmother? or did the men not cheat on their wives with the same woman (who so happened to be their mother-in-law)?  Also is it not true that it is also not the beginning of these brother's ordeal?

Why is the writer only talking about grandma who left her "frail" husband to come sleep with her son-in-law?  Mind you, I do not agree with any of this disgusting business, and I find it sickening but if we must write about their business to the Igbo community then critique all parties involved please.  I am very certain that the brothers did not leave their penis sticking up and the grandma came in and climbed on it every time she was in the mood.  I can also imagine that these acts were not done when her daughter's were home?  so It is possible that grandma does not have a job and does not leave the house, and her son-in-laws came home during work hours to sleep with the woman.  You can go on and on but seriously when a shameful sexual act is done, although there is temptation, the two parties need to suffer the consequences.

Let me take you guys back to Genesis, were the serpent convinced Eve to eat from the forbidden tree, Adam knew about it but still decided to join his wife and enjoy the forbidden fruit.  When God asked him he said it is the woman you gave to me that convinced me to eat from the tree.  and Eve said it is the Serpent ... God punished the serpent forever but God also punished Adam and Eve.  He did not punish just Eve since Adam was just as responsible as Eve regardless of how it happened.

So this writer and people who think like this need to curb their way of thinking;  I always hear of women who attack their husband's girlfriends and I never saw myself doing that.  Why? she is not my husband, she was probably not there when we made our covenant with God so what is my business with her.  I welcome your thoughts and you don't have to agree with me.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Easter Messages

A friend of mine shared with me this young girls name and I happened to look her up on google search and stumble across this very unique and interesting story.

Read her story -

Be prepared because it is a long narration, but I still think it is worth sharing.  It is a narration of a young girl's vision about hell and heaven.  Again it is very long so take your time.  My two cents- you have to be very careful about how you interpret the nitty gritty, I think the overall messages are great and a reminder for us to tell those who don't know or who will not listen the message of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. 
My take on the message-
1) Heaven is real and so is hell;
2) Repent before it is too late and it is much sooner than we think;
3) Practice what you preach, and be sure that what you preach is according to the words written in the bible. 
4) God is merciful and has provided everything we need to avoid hell- which was created originally for Satan and his Angels. 
5) Do not spend your time thinking your church or your bare-minimum-church-related activities will save you; you always have to give more and lead as Christians. 
6) Hanging on to your bible, cross, rosary, fav. grandma, saint, Mother of Jesus etc. has never been the way and we should all know that; unfortunately I have met a lot of Catholics that think this way, hence giving other christians that wrong impression. 
7) Discover the Lord for yourself and embrace him, it does not matter what church you worship, all he cares for is that your soul is constantly in his favor ...I can go on and on with my Easter messages but the conclusion is that our time here on earth is very short and it is time for God to be more of our priority.
8) Will you be ready if Jesus Christ comes right this very moment? Scary isn't it- I've got some more work to do.

God bless you all and Happy Easter!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me

What a great beginning and end of today.  I woke up to a text from my friend from Nigeria, whom I was very surprised remembered my birthday.  She gave me a great laugh ...the text was the song "onye ga gbegwu? - iyaaaa, ga gbegwu iya; Nenyenwa ga gbegwu, iyaaaa, ga gbegwu iya, o bi fere ne me gi ... and she ended with happy bday and my special blessings.  I had that song in my head the rest of the day and it put a smile in my face. 
Then I had some voice messages, one from my brother who is two years younger than me and shares the same birthday as me.  For years now he has this competition of who would call each other first and he called me at midnight eastern time (I was already in bed) and I am one hour behind him.  So today when I called him I told him he actually lost this year (by accident anyways) since it was not yet my birthday central time :). 
Then I went to church and enjoyed passion Sunday- I also got to make my palms into cross.  It took me back to my childhood in Nigeria- it was the best part of palm sunday because we got to make different things with our palms.  Then I came home to a cell phone filled with voice and text messages of people singing happy bdays- my parents, my other brother, sisters, cousins, close friends , and the phones kept ringing.  I also got flowers from my boyfriend/husband-

thoughtful of him all the way from his deployment.  He also got a few hours in port and instead of hanging out with the boys he spent it on a skype call listening to me and telling me how gorgeous I looked and how much he missed me and the baby.  I updated him on things that were going on in the house and outside- including the recent Nigeria elections.  It was great hearing from him. 
The calls continued but I had to prepare some food for the baby shower/b-day party my colleagues were throwing for me.  They wanted a Nigerian dish but I had such little time and so I prepared jollof rice and puff puff (the puff-puff was inspired by a fellow blogger 9jafoodie). It turned out great and it was all gone except for some chicken scratch.  The jollof rice came out spicy and I thought the oyibo people wouldn't like it- umm they loved it and even appreciated the spicy test.  I actually make my jollof rice first like fried rice because I like the test of the curry; I fry my rice first in curry and canola oil, put my oregano, rosemary and thyme, then my tomato sauce, I added this a little beans, shrimp, shredded beef, mixed vege exactly how hubby likes it.  It came out great but spicy.  It is hard for me to eat non-spicy foods and it got worst since I became pregnant- I hope wal-mart never runs out of habanero peppers.  lol
The baby shower was a second out of four; the first one was by my nurses, the third one is by my sisters and mom and the fourth one (I think) is from my medical school buddies.  I have gotten so much gifts- clothes, diapers, stroller, swinger, toys, books, breastfeeding supplies and so on. I am already afraid of this little one being so spoiled. 

It was so nice to share my birthday with my little one, I had a wonderful time and the whole time he/she danced around as if aware of what was going on.  Well here are some pictures, I've got to get busy with some thank you cards.  God bless you all and I hope your day was as good as mine.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Single Moms

Kudos to single moms- I really do admire all of the single moms including those who choose to adopt.  Please in no way am I encouraging those who choose to do this just for the fun of having a baby- children are not toys. I have a new found respect for them.

I always wanted this pregnancy, in fact I worked hard for this baby lol.  My husband and I see each other one weekend a month; sometimes we are unlucky and we skip a month (because of our jobs) or sometimes it is worst and we don't see each other for a while.  Example last year, hubby and I didn't see each other for 8 months out of the whole year (he was deployed for 7 and when he returned I was in Nigeria for a month). 

It is amazing that we've come this far...I felt like our friendship (5 years prior to matrimony) at the beginning prepared us for all this.  We always lived long distance and treasured our visits and time together; we kept in touch via email; phone and text messaging.  When I say we kept in touch; I don't mean hi and bye, naw we had some 4-5 hours conversations; sometimes till the next day; we prayed every night together; sometimes we watched movies together (push the button at the same time) etc.  He became my best friend and I became his; we got to a point we wouldn't even make decisions without each other and so on...Now you see how this prepared us for this crazy journey we tried for three years.  It was not intentional- Hubby was supposed to come with me and then last minute got this great opportunity in the Navy and made the decision to stay till he retires.  He had already served for 11 years and I felt bad holding him back.  And as prayerful as I am, I felt that we could make it.  Having made it, I will not do it again and I will not advice anyone to do it. Why?

I did not marry to only see him once a month; I did not marry to pay money (flight) to see him; I did not marry to pay double of every bill (mortgage, water, gas and so on); I did not marry to not be in another state when I say my bed time prayers or to wake up and not be near him; I did not marry to share only certain days out of the year with him; I did not marry to come home and not have anyone there to share my day to day excitements and toils with; I did not marry to cook and eat alone ... I can go on and on. 

We are both happy because we both have always found favor in God's eyes, and some days are though heart aching but the happy days are many and we are glad that the separation is near its end. 

Anyways so back to the pregnancy- I always was ready because I didn't want to wait too long and at first hubby didn't like the idea because he wanted us to travel first and have the freedom to do that. He wanted a year and I thought that it was reasonable.  Although I hesitated, it has been great ... one of our overseas trip was to Italy (we got to spend our anniversary there); I also got to go to Nigeria to work for a month at NAUTH.  Trying to achieve pregnancy was difficult especially when you only have once chance- I tried planning every weekend visits around my ovulation and as if God was trying to tell me to chill out; he would deliberately make it on a week day (lol); I even got to a point that I started to worry that I couldn't get pregnant and asked for a sign (be careful what you wish for)- mine was a very early miscarriage.  God said you can get pregnant but not now; I relaxed a little and then it happened when all seemed right; we would be expecting around the same time we would be in one house; I will no longer have the stress of being a resident; I will be near my family in case of when we want to take time for ourselves.

Being pregnant alone has been hard; and I am not completely alone because I have the phone to reach hubby when I want, plus we discovered skype after 2 years of our long-distance marriage.  I often wonder how single moms make the decision to carry the pregnancy when the men abandons them and then not to talk about the strength to keep them or to give them up for adoption to those who do not have the privilege to have children. 

I had emotional days; times that my husband tried to be there but I pushed him away because of all the hormone surge and he continued to do all he could to cheer me on.  Then I was so sick and sometimes he will cry with me because he couldn't be there for me.  Then he educated himself and learned that second trimester was more promising but it traded for a new set of problems but he knew how hard I fought the urge to complain and he would just say it is ok- we will get through it.  And will remind me how much time flies and I would agree.  But in my mind I would say only for you; for he comes every 4 or more weeks and notes the difference but everyday I saw my body change; my boobs got bigger; my butt got bigger; my nipples got sore and then darker; my eyelids got darker; the linea alba (the midline in the abdomen) appeared; my belly got bigger and so on...everyday I noticed something different in my body. 

Then third trimester came and I got tired; I could barely complete the chores by myself; my exercise routine was getting harder each day; and hubby finally saw how much the pregnancy was affecting me- because he would watch me stop to rest but he was right there again by my side, giving me a break; massaging my back etc; he got ahead and we teamed up and made our baby's room.  I appreciated everything and it made me wonder how much the single mom's go through and also how much God looks out for me; because how could I have done this if hubby wasn't here even the few times.  I am even afraid of the few little months I will be myself with the newborn and wonder how these single moms cope. 

May God find someone for all of them even if it is only as few times as hubby was present.

NB: two great news today; learned that two friends of mine are expecting; for one of them it is her and her husband's first and for the other it is their second and they also said their nuptials.  congrats to the both of u!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Too long

Ok so my dearest blog, I sure have ignored you for far too long and I am sad that my reasons may not be good enough for you :( Please accept my apology.  I also want to thank Oluwatobi for the generous blog award.  I think I may not have noticed it in time.  A lot has happened since 19kiridi when I last blogged but hey I have baby bump pictures to share :)

  I have been catching up on a lot of residency related stuff since I am quite the procrastinator.  Everything is due right around when baby is planned to arrive.  Also we have been preparing for the residency review board- talk about high stress.  I am also preparing for my board exam.  And then to top it all I have been preparing my mind and heart for hubby's deployment. 
Also, since there is a chance that hubby may not be present for the birth of our first born, I had to stop everything else and spend all that quality time with my one and only.  I also gave him a chance to make up for his possible and previous absence :).  By previous, I mean that Hubby and I have lived in two different states since shortly after our marriage; this is because of our jobs; it has been 3 years now and we have done well but it sure was not easy.  (The pictures were taken on our 3 year church wedding anniversary. ) We are counting the days we will get to live together under one roof...anyways, for this reason I dealt with the miserable first trimester by myself, the awkward second trimester and finally I am dancing to the tunes of the third trimester.  Yes things continue to get better.
I took some days off and really chillaxed with hubby and we caught up on foot rubs; we went for a pedicure; went around a shopping plaza; watched a movie; played with little baby in my womb and laughed at each other; called our 9ja people at home; celebrated our anniversary and took some maternity shots.  And then it came time to say good bye until ... (hopefully in time for the delivery).  But I am prepared for if he doesn't show up because I plan on staying with a friend for a week and then maybe borrowing my friend, or one of the maternity nurses that I work with for a husband. 
The delivery hubby requirement's are simple (since no one can ever replace the Mr.) 1) encourage me even though I may suck at pushing; 2) feed me ice-chips whenever I ask for them; 3) hold my hands when I need you; 4) and when the baby comes tell me that the baby is the most gorgeous being you ever saw whether you think it or not.
See you don't even have to get into it or take pictures.  Ok so I am already starting to make plans to burn all of the excess weight, which I will write about later. Below is a picture of me 3-4 years ago (prior to our wedding) and right next to it is the beauty of pregnancy.

Good bye and pray for my husband and the rest of the troops.