Saturday, April 30, 2011

Call Me Whatever You Want


This is an email I received from one of the Igbo communities- I suppose the point of the message is to raise awareness or something- I'm not sure.

"Brethrens, It is a thing of abominations and a shameful act that the  biological mother of one of us, Mrs. ? ? ? and her sister Mrs. ? ? ? both are married to same brothers ? and ? ?, were having a sexual affair right in the matrimonial home of her daughter ? . A mother who left her frail husband in Nigeria only to come here to be sleeping with her son in-laws. It has always been said, the first time you were caught is not the beginning of your ordeal.”

Ok so basically I think he was trying to convey that some lady had 2 daughters, and her 2 daughters are married to 2 brothers (now I am not sure if he is also calling that an abomination); but what I am sure he is calling an abomination is that this mother (of the two daughter's) left her "frail" husband in Nigeria and came here to the U.S. and is now sleeping with her two daughter's husbands.  Is that what you guys kinda understood?

Ok I did not post the rest of the email but he went on to criticize how this woman brings shame basically to our community at large.  And he even made a comment that the apple does not fall far from the tree, I am not sure if he is implying that the young women may also be like their mothers.  One of the young women also belongs to this Igbo meeting and I have removed their names intentionally for these family's privacy.

Problem #1: who gave the writer (one of the executive members of the meeting) the power to put their business out there including their middle names and everything.  I suppose he is so perfect that there is nothing that he has done to bring anyone shame.  Goes back to the bible, if you have no sin cast the first stone; this idea obviously does not rest in our community.

Problem #2: He should have read the email before sending it to a large group of people, because I am still trying to understand his complete message.

Problem #3: If he is also trying to tell us that it is an abomination for the two sisters to marry two brothers; it is true in some igbo customs ( mostly because our people don't like the idea of placing all of their eggs in one basket) but I know one family member that this was broken and they talked about it all through my childhood but no one gives a hoot any longer.  They talked about it mostly because they felt that God was punishing them because for 17 years my cousin and his wife had no children.  Basically my first cousin (a male) insisted on marrying his sister's husband's sister (his sister-in-law)- do u get it??? I also know another, not in my family who was exactly similar to the quote mentioned above and no one talks about it any longer.  But I remembered in both situations it was often talked about like one woman was at fault, it was never the fault of the men who asked their hand in marriage- my cousin's wife was supposed to know that her brother was now married to her now husband's sister and not agree to marriage.  And in the other case the woman was supposed to know that her sister was already married to her now husband's brother and move on to the next guy.  I'm I confusing you yet? lol

Problem #4: Seriously, I may be missing something here; I have only been intimate with one man and I am married to him today but I remembered that it took the two of us for intimacy to first occur and it takes the two of us each time it occurs.  It actually took multiple attempts from him until he got the hint that the commitment with God must be a vital part of our lives.  
Now my point is not that I don't think women can seduce men or that rape does not exist but my point is that regardless of who seduces who, it takes two people to have sexual intercourse or else it is rape (which this does not sound like it).  Since it sounds to me like someone caught them???  Now why are we not criticizing the men involved, did they not leave their wives to sleep with their mother-in-law? (or is that not also an abomination?) or let me rephrase this, did the men not leave their children's mothers to sleep with their children's grandmother? or did the men not cheat on their wives with the same woman (who so happened to be their mother-in-law)?  Also is it not true that it is also not the beginning of these brother's ordeal?

Why is the writer only talking about grandma who left her "frail" husband to come sleep with her son-in-law?  Mind you, I do not agree with any of this disgusting business, and I find it sickening but if we must write about their business to the Igbo community then critique all parties involved please.  I am very certain that the brothers did not leave their penis sticking up and the grandma came in and climbed on it every time she was in the mood.  I can also imagine that these acts were not done when her daughter's were home?  so It is possible that grandma does not have a job and does not leave the house, and her son-in-laws came home during work hours to sleep with the woman.  You can go on and on but seriously when a shameful sexual act is done, although there is temptation, the two parties need to suffer the consequences.

Let me take you guys back to Genesis, were the serpent convinced Eve to eat from the forbidden tree, Adam knew about it but still decided to join his wife and enjoy the forbidden fruit.  When God asked him he said it is the woman you gave to me that convinced me to eat from the tree.  and Eve said it is the Serpent ... God punished the serpent forever but God also punished Adam and Eve.  He did not punish just Eve since Adam was just as responsible as Eve regardless of how it happened.

So this writer and people who think like this need to curb their way of thinking;  I always hear of women who attack their husband's girlfriends and I never saw myself doing that.  Why? she is not my husband, she was probably not there when we made our covenant with God so what is my business with her.  I welcome your thoughts and you don't have to agree with me.
 

13 comments:

Prism said...

I so agree with number 4. The men's name should also have been publicized....

Naijamum in L. said...

I totally agree that the men's names should be publicised BUT the mother-in-law bears the greater responsibility.

As an older person, she know the implications of her actions. Yes, the men have to share the blame but we expect more from our elders.

I agree that the man who 'spread' the news was quite judgmental. His manner of doing so could have been better but this is not a minor transgression.

The repercussions - on all involved - are huge.

Nenyenwa said...

@ Prism and Naijamum the boy's were mentioned since their wives name were mentioned. Everyone in the meeting kinda already knows who they are but the message was not to fault the men but only the woman.
@Naijamum I agree in our culture we tend to bear more judgment on the older individual. (2 grown men old enough to marry and not 2 children). I am not sure that God works like our culture; they both know the implications as adults and they both committed the same sin- which is adultery and will face the same judgment in God's eyes. I agree that the repercussions on all of them will be major not only on earth but with God and I hope this never repeats itself again. Thanks for ur comments

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

everytime this sort of thing happens, the woman is always the one blamed...it takes two! however that does not make what the woman did right....

Yankeenaijababe said...

Great blog, found you through another Mauritz blog, loving it already...:=)

Emeka Amakeze said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emeka Amakeze said...

Since the woman that left her frail husband in Nigeria to sleep with his two sons in-law (If I understood the aggrieved judge correctly) has been condemned, I should have expected the same aggrieved judge to sing the praises of the men involved!

Seriously, we are responsible for all our actions and gender has long ceased to be an immunity to the punishment that comes with our wrongdoings!

My people say that if you want to stop a fight, you must first stop the fighters from poking their fingers at each others faces.

Myne Whitman said...

Unlike naijamum, I don't think the woman's age has anything to do with this instance but her gender. All those who took part are to blame, they're all adults. Very shameful somethings sha...

Working Women Journal said...

Total mess! They are all shameless and need to beg for forgiveness. Kai!

Nenyenwa said...

tnx for d comments- i agree w/ myne and working mom

natural nigerian said...

I love you for your take in this post. Great points. It is no-one's business but those directly involved and it is hypocritical specifically target only the MIL as the villain.

Nzinga said...

In full agreement with you, Nenye. What does your name mean?

Nenyenwa said...

thanks and thanks for stopping by, my name means God gives children