Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Single Moms

Kudos to single moms- I really do admire all of the single moms including those who choose to adopt.  Please in no way am I encouraging those who choose to do this just for the fun of having a baby- children are not toys. I have a new found respect for them.

I always wanted this pregnancy, in fact I worked hard for this baby lol.  My husband and I see each other one weekend a month; sometimes we are unlucky and we skip a month (because of our jobs) or sometimes it is worst and we don't see each other for a while.  Example last year, hubby and I didn't see each other for 8 months out of the whole year (he was deployed for 7 and when he returned I was in Nigeria for a month). 

It is amazing that we've come this far...I felt like our friendship (5 years prior to matrimony) at the beginning prepared us for all this.  We always lived long distance and treasured our visits and time together; we kept in touch via email; phone and text messaging.  When I say we kept in touch; I don't mean hi and bye, naw we had some 4-5 hours conversations; sometimes till the next day; we prayed every night together; sometimes we watched movies together (push the button at the same time) etc.  He became my best friend and I became his; we got to a point we wouldn't even make decisions without each other and so on...Now you see how this prepared us for this crazy journey we tried for three years.  It was not intentional- Hubby was supposed to come with me and then last minute got this great opportunity in the Navy and made the decision to stay till he retires.  He had already served for 11 years and I felt bad holding him back.  And as prayerful as I am, I felt that we could make it.  Having made it, I will not do it again and I will not advice anyone to do it. Why?

I did not marry to only see him once a month; I did not marry to pay money (flight) to see him; I did not marry to pay double of every bill (mortgage, water, gas and so on); I did not marry to not be in another state when I say my bed time prayers or to wake up and not be near him; I did not marry to share only certain days out of the year with him; I did not marry to come home and not have anyone there to share my day to day excitements and toils with; I did not marry to cook and eat alone ... I can go on and on. 

We are both happy because we both have always found favor in God's eyes, and some days are though heart aching but the happy days are many and we are glad that the separation is near its end. 

Anyways so back to the pregnancy- I always was ready because I didn't want to wait too long and at first hubby didn't like the idea because he wanted us to travel first and have the freedom to do that. He wanted a year and I thought that it was reasonable.  Although I hesitated, it has been great ... one of our overseas trip was to Italy (we got to spend our anniversary there); I also got to go to Nigeria to work for a month at NAUTH.  Trying to achieve pregnancy was difficult especially when you only have once chance- I tried planning every weekend visits around my ovulation and as if God was trying to tell me to chill out; he would deliberately make it on a week day (lol); I even got to a point that I started to worry that I couldn't get pregnant and asked for a sign (be careful what you wish for)- mine was a very early miscarriage.  God said you can get pregnant but not now; I relaxed a little and then it happened when all seemed right; we would be expecting around the same time we would be in one house; I will no longer have the stress of being a resident; I will be near my family in case of when we want to take time for ourselves.

Being pregnant alone has been hard; and I am not completely alone because I have the phone to reach hubby when I want, plus we discovered skype after 2 years of our long-distance marriage.  I often wonder how single moms make the decision to carry the pregnancy when the men abandons them and then not to talk about the strength to keep them or to give them up for adoption to those who do not have the privilege to have children. 

I had emotional days; times that my husband tried to be there but I pushed him away because of all the hormone surge and he continued to do all he could to cheer me on.  Then I was so sick and sometimes he will cry with me because he couldn't be there for me.  Then he educated himself and learned that second trimester was more promising but it traded for a new set of problems but he knew how hard I fought the urge to complain and he would just say it is ok- we will get through it.  And will remind me how much time flies and I would agree.  But in my mind I would say only for you; for he comes every 4 or more weeks and notes the difference but everyday I saw my body change; my boobs got bigger; my butt got bigger; my nipples got sore and then darker; my eyelids got darker; the linea alba (the midline in the abdomen) appeared; my belly got bigger and so on...everyday I noticed something different in my body. 

Then third trimester came and I got tired; I could barely complete the chores by myself; my exercise routine was getting harder each day; and hubby finally saw how much the pregnancy was affecting me- because he would watch me stop to rest but he was right there again by my side, giving me a break; massaging my back etc; he got ahead and we teamed up and made our baby's room.  I appreciated everything and it made me wonder how much the single mom's go through and also how much God looks out for me; because how could I have done this if hubby wasn't here even the few times.  I am even afraid of the few little months I will be myself with the newborn and wonder how these single moms cope. 

May God find someone for all of them even if it is only as few times as hubby was present.

NB: two great news today; learned that two friends of mine are expecting; for one of them it is her and her husband's first and for the other it is their second and they also said their nuptials.  congrats to the both of u!


Okeoghene said...

Very interesting post. I wish you a safe delivery and hope that your husband will experience the birth of your first born child. It is not easy being a single mom cos it is a lot of responsibility but when you have someone to share the joys and the sometimes the pain and frustrations with, it makes it a whole lot easier.

P.E.T. Projects said...

You're such a brave woman to even have consented to going thru this pregnancy alone.
God bless you sweety. I hope ur hubby can make it to the delivery. ((Hugs))

9jaFOODie said...

It is well with you!! God will definitely strengthen you.

Stella Kodi said... hard as it seems...I'm sure you'll have the strength to accomplish all that you need to...Single parenting is def a struggle...but you are brave and the temporary feeling of a single mom will be over sooner than you think...when the hubby returns.

Good luck with everything... have a lovely blog

LadyNgo said...

Very nice and insightful write up. A lil weird since i know (although briefly) u and ur husband in real life thru Olisa lol. Funny enough i only found your blog because you commented on another blog within minutes of me and i saw the pic and said i know that lady lol. So i hope u don't mind my visit here.

Congrats with the baby and im wishing u and hubby all the best and God's favor in raising your lil one :)

Naijamum in L. said...

The single moms I know cope because they act like they are not single...They feel they are empowered by the God they serve.

having a baby alone is not easy and I will not kid you by saying faith will be enough. However, you must constantly remind yourself that your baby is going to be happy if you are happy. Try and savour every moment with the baby...they are precious and fleeting.

It will be well.....and when hubby will even be better.


Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

I am in a long distance relationship and i cannot imagine a long distance! May God strenghten you both. I applaud you. Im a new follower and yu can repay the

Nenyenwa said...

@Okeoghene- I hear you on that- thanks for stopping by, hope to hear from you again
@P.E.T thanks and Amen on that prayer
@9jafoodie Amen!
@Stella thanks and thanks for stopping by, do stop by again
@LadyNgo good to hear from you, stop by again and thanks for all your well wishes
@Naijamum thank you o, it is our hope and prayer- I try to remind the little one not to stray away frm the plan :)
@Sisi thanks for stopping by and for your compliments- It is the God we trust.

Gbemisoke said...

I loved reading this sincere post and I salute your courage!
God who has brought you this far will bring you to a safe delivery and give you the grace to raise your child in Jesus name.
Interesting that you choose not to know your baby's sex.... I've always been too curious :o)

lamikayty said...

Hmmm its hard! I've been married for a little over 5 years but spent only 2 years together with my hubby. First year I got preggers and was all alone (Thank God for family) so i can most def relate to this post! Yessooo! I did not marry my husband to spend money to visit him!!! Haha! Nice post and yes I do appreciate single moms a whole lot now. Thanks for posting- i know this is an old post but its my first time here!

Nenyenwa said...

@Gbemisoke thanks for reading. I hate surprises so I surprised myself by wanting to wait. But it was an awesome wait :)
@lamikaty thanks for stopping by and I'm glad that you can relate. How is your family? Stop by again.