I met my husband when I graduated from the university, I was only 19 and so marriage was not on my mind. It took a lot of convincing from my better half and as charming as he can be it was only a matter of time before he won me over. When we were friends we never thought that anyone would be against us, we saw how perfect things were and never in a million years did we think we would have to prove our love to anyone. I remember the very first time someone challenged our future marriage; hubby and I were so cut of guard, we couldn't speak for a second as if we were both saying "what happened to you, were did you come from?" "looks like love just messed you up and shoved you off the side walk."Hubby and I fasted and prayed because they were actually from people that mattered (Family).
So after many years of what I called 'prayerful waiting' the issue was brought up and to our surprise close family friends and family had different single men and women waiting for us to consider. Seriously? we thought...what is really going on? we even prayed harder because we wanted to hear a reason you know something other than his village is too far. I mean I had never given dating a chance before I met my husband and even gave him a hard time but he came at the right time and I embraced the idea of a future and marriage but little did I know that it would be this hard.
So after lots of unwanted weight loss, exam failures, stress in general, I got the approval that I needed (at least I thought we did) and we got married.
|First presentation at my trad wedding in 2007|
|looking for my better half|
|my mom greeting hubby|
|hubby and I still at the trad in 2007|
|3 months later in Florida (03/2008)|
|Our evening outfit at our wedding|
You can see how happy we were and we are still going at it, we felt like winners after 4 years; we thought it was over. Well there have been yet so many trials...i was so embarrassed at my traditional wedding at all the insults that happened in Nigeria (you would cry for me if I shared with you and you will be surprised as to how I pulled off so many smiles in my pictures) and to top it up we came back to the states and it didn't stop but at this point I was done. I was ready to walk down the aisle myself. I was ready to direct the attention away from me...I couldn't wait for the wedding.
Fast forward to the wedding everyone put their act half way together and it was a success (just for that day). Ok basically I am writing this because obviously there are still hurtful things still said, even now that a baby is involved. I've heard reasons like you married too early and your father wasn't ready and you know you were his favorite. How can that be when he has made every attempt to deny me happiness unintentionally at first but now even after I had made it clear. My husband and I have cried about this many times, had sleepless nights about this, been stressed to the point of a miscarriage. What will you do if you were me? and this wasn't even your in laws but your own parents? To make things difficult my in-law accepts me as their own, I wished for so many years that my hubby will get the same kind of treatment from mine or even their daughter may deserve a little good will but no! it has been too much of a favor to ask.
I had ignored them for a year, and my stress reduced to like 90%, I achieved pregnancy with no help (after 3 years of hubby and I trying but due to stress my ovulation was jumping ropes); I had no problems; the best part I got so many compliments that I seemed happier.
Hubby wanted this relationship with his in laws so bad that he pushed for me to try even harder until he realized what it was doing to me and kinda did his own thing. He called them more than me but yet they never seem to appreciate any of it, he sent gifts but there was always something wrong, they crushed him with their words at any opportunity. And whenever they do they go back and dig up how much they hurt us at our weddings and how proud they were and they should have worked a little harder.
Well now they pushed my husband to the wall. My husband for the first time (as quiet as he is has now said enough is enough). With tears he begged me that he has no more strength to continue this. He has a family now and this is too much amidst all the other responsibilities that we have. I am so lost at what that means but I am afraid to even ask. I've gone for a long time without talking to them but I usually forgive them (my husband had never supported this and so never joins in on it) but you know how everything always seems to be his fault ... I am so lost and yet there are family members still saying keep trying.
Is it what the stress I mean to think it took a million people to plead with my father to come and see his first grandchild ... I didn't even want to open the door I was unsure if I wanted my daughter around such negativity. I am still unsure because I did grow up with a lot of negativity. And I still wonder did he come to visit for a better future or because people were starting to tell him how wicked he was and that his grandchild didn't deserve it.
Well here goes another bitter day in my sweet bitter life. Thank you in advance for reading, I welcome anonymous responses and please excuse typos I just poured my heart out and couldn't write it all since it can't all be said.